Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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