once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Shame - the story of my life.
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