So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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