I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
