we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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