If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
