u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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