I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize