i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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