Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
