I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
