I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
The air taste purple.
Randomize
