well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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