I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
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