sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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