What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
