that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
