I've blown a few things in my day
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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