Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
