saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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