Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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