just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
