i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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