In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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