when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
