She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
