if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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