I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
