it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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