I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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