Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
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some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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