Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i was born a porn star she said
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
