A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
