I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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