I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
