My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
