There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
