hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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