it was like eating out sand paper
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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