Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize