My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
