I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
