"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
