I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
