I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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