woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
