im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
