when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
