hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
