Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
