He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
