not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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