Im at strip club and am horny
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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