I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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