at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
