It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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