my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She said her name was "party"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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