I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Randomize
