i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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