I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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