Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
