I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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