How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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