took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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