The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
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