omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
