The maid of honor just puked.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
