So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
