god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
