Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Randomize
