Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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