Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
