Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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