i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
