I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
