i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
