I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
