the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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