dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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