I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
