Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
