you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
